A few Jokes...

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.


Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob


Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook


Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter

what goes in hard & pink and comes out soft and sticky??
Bubble gum!!

How do you make a hot dog stand? Steal its chair.

What lies shivering on the seabed? A nervous wreck.

How do you make an egg laugh? Tell it a yolk.

How do you prevent a Summer cold? Catch it in the Winter!

How does a pig go to hospital? In a hambulance.

If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor? Silverware.

What bird can lift the most? A crane.

A Sunday School teacher poses a question to her students. She asks them, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body enters Heaven first?" Billy raises his hand and promptly answers...."Hands first, because everytime you pray, you do so with your hands, so I beleive you enter hands first." The Sunday School teacher says, "Okay, good answer." Suzie raises her hand and says...."Feet first, I think you enter Heaven feet first." The teacher ponders this and asks Suzie, "Why do you think feet first?" Suzie replies...."Because I got up the other night and peeked inside Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom, and Mommy was screaming....OH GOD, I’M COMING, I’M COMING!!!!" "If it wasn’t for Daddy holding her down, we would have lost her for sure!"

Our father, who art in leicester, patel be thy name, thy curry come, thy stinging bum,
On earth as it is in Hyson green,
Give us this day our daily naan,
And forgive us our smell,
And help those that hold our smell against us,
And lead us not into employment,
But deliver us all benefits.
For thine is the prayer mat, the Nissan Almera,
Foreva n eva AHMED, AHMED

just bought my epileptic mate a strobe light 4 christmas .
he'llhave a fucking fit when he sees it!

Young Johnny and Susie were playing doctor, on the back porch when Susie's mom popped in on them. "You're gonna get a good lickin when daddy gets home" she said Susie replied, "Johnny's been doing that all afternoon."

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.

whats the definition of being cheeky

pissing through a letter box and ask how far it went

Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?

A: One's a Goodyear; the other's a great year.

Bill and Ben were having sex one night, Bill said "flobba flobalobba flob!" Ben replied, "if you loved me you would have swallowed that!"

Doctor, Doctor everybody keeps ignoring me,

next please.

No wonder Ronaldo followed Kaka to Real Madrid.....after all everyone knows a brazillian is always followed by an irritating cunt